Soiled Saints

Wow…it’s already been almost a month here at SCC. In some ways it feels like a year, and other ways it feels like a day.

Regardless, I feel blessed to be here. I feel used by God. And that’s a cool feeling. (And I readily admit, that God can/will use me even if and when I don’t “Feel” like it.)

Onto my title. I had a very interesting phone call come my way three weeks ago. It was February 5, and I actually didn’t talk to the person who called.

So why is this interesting you may be thinking? Be patient.

I (usually) like to lift weights with closest friends on Tuesdays-Thursdays-Saturdays. And, since it was a Thursday, that meant workout with Price, Nixon, and whatever cast of characters we had around.

I returned to the office from lifting, and saw my trusted and trusty secretary Linda, with a near white face.

“You got a phone call.” I honestly thought someone had passed away by her facial look.

What’s going on? “Well, she was VERY displeased with the service (February 1, my first service at SCC). She said that you:
-Changed the Word of God.
-Entertained and didn’t teach.

A lady called and talked to Linda, the trusted/trusty secretary. She remarked that she felt entertained rather than taught, and how disheartened she was that we “changed” the Bible.

Here’s the pivotal point: I asked what her name was. And that’s where Linda nearly lost it.

“I don’t know. She wouldn’t leave her name.”

So you mean to tell me that a lady would call the church, drive-by critique the service, and wouldn’t even wish to dialogue about it?

“Yes.” “I asked her name, and told her that you’d love to talk to her and she said that she wouldn’t give her name. Her name wasn’t important but her comments were.”

Hmmm….

See, I had a choice to make. Either erupt in anger over her cowardice or prayerfully consider her criticisms, no matter how completely crappy the delivery of said criticisms.

Mark Driscoll stated in a q and a session during the Desiring God Conference ‘08 that he learned a lesson from Billy Graham to turn critics into coaches. I’m now a 3rd generation learner from BG baby!!

Do I think that the lady was a coward? Yes I do. Anyone who has the gall to leave a critique like that without being willing to talk about it is gutless.

Having said that: I can learn from her.

Rather: I MUST learn from her.

See if I believe in a God who’s in control, then He knew this would happen. I believe He planned it. He wanted it to be for my good, so I should and must learn from this.

So what did I learn?

1. If I have a critique, I should be a caring critic. I didn’t detect that this lady cared for my soul, the church, etc. All she stated was her complaint and her critique. I shouldn’t follow this example. If I have a critique, i should always wrap into it a concern for the person and their soul.

2. I need to examine my sermon both BEFORE and AFTER to see that I “cut it straight.” (that’s the rightly dividing the word of truth from Paul’s letter to Timothy idea) I also should solicit feedback from people who have the guts to tell me the truth. And I did just that. I asked a few people, who wouldn’t be shy to tell me to my face if something were less-than-good and godly. They responded with an affirmative that it was cut straight.

To be honest, that lady hasn’t hurt my feelings. I actually am grateful for her. She taught me two valuable lessons that I wouldn’t have known otherwise. Can I mourn the way I learned? Yes, but even that should be lost in the fact that God was gracious enough to help me turn a critic into a coach.

More to come,

Jason

We had a healthy crowd Sunday. But that’s just it….right now we are a crowd…not an army…yet.

This week saw us end the series on Luke 15 with a look at the prodigal son(s). Dr. Tim Keller, possibly the smartest man alive, states that there were two lost sons, and I happen to agree.

See, we forget the gospel. I forget the gospel.

We either forget the demands of the gospel: (unconditional surrender)

Or we forget the delight of the gospel: (unconditional love)

We are most prone towards legalism or license.

In this story Jesus is telling us that we come to God dirty offering nothing or we don’t come at all.

Act One: The Younger Brother: He doesn’t sense the commands and demands.

-This is for those who regularly find themselves running from God.

-Jesus goes back to Genesis: Rebelling against your
father…

When we sin against people, we ultimately also sin against God. He made ‘em you know.

In order for me to maximize my life and the gospel I should do what I have to do to be who I need to be.

-The father cast aside all pretensions of civil behavior. Running was undignified for an older person.
After all, back then (and now), wealthy landowners don’t run. Unless they run out of love. The father didn’t care about conventions, or what people thought. He wanted to show his love to his son.

-Isn’t it great to know that God Himself embraces repentant sinners?

The son was willing to settle for slavery, yet the dad gave him three things that signified he was “in” all the way:

-Robe: either father’s own robe, or robe reserved for VIP’s. Robe of son ship not slavery.

-Ring: Seal that says: you’re in the family. No questions asked.

-Sandals: only free men could wear. Not a slave.

-Fattened calf: special occasion. People didn’t eat meat every day.

Something had to die though. Forgiveness always has a price.

Think about this: If the younger son back in: he gets a 1/3rd of what’s left.

MAIN POINTS FROM ACT ONE:
-We originally come to God dirty or we don’t come at all.
-God embraces people who turn from sin to Him.
-God expects us to embrace them as well.

Act Two: Older brother: Doesn’t see the love and freedom of the gospel.

-This is for those who repeatedly don’t “run” but regularly condemn those that do.

The older brother’s reaction to the younger brother’s return exposes his real heart.

The older brother states that he has “slaved” for his dad. Didn’t the dad NOT want the younger son to look at himself as a slave-driver? This slavery mentality is wrong.

Outward compliance doesn’t equal inward desire.

What the older son was saying to the dad: You’re not my treasure…your stuff is.

It’s interesting to note that we really have no idea what the younger brother squandered his money on until the older brother mentions “prostitutes” in verse 30.

How did the older brother know that?

People who are self-righteous are quick to point out the faults of others and cover up their own pride.

The older brother is like the Pharisees: he looks to God as a commander and not father.

The father’s response revealed the heart of older brother…he found no joy from being w/ the father.

The father’s appeal was based out of a sincere affection. I still love you. All that is mine is yours.

Jesus is saying: I still love you. Come on in. Pleading w/ you.

MAIN POINTS FROM ACT TWO:
Our good deeds don’t earn anything good.
Our lack of blatant sin does not mean we are good.

The father reacted the same way to both sons.
-He went out to them, loved them, and invited them to Him.

The brothers (at least their first response) didn’t love their father for who he was. They loved what he could give.

Dr. Tim Keller uses this to llustrate the difference between Religion and Christianity:

Religion: I obey therefore I’m right with God.
Christianity: I’m right with God therefore I obey.

The younger turned and the older burned.

You will either turn in humility or burn with pride.

You will either turn in humility or burn with pride.

What do we do?

-Ground ourselves in the gospel: both unconditional surrender and unconditional love.

-Realize that we are clean by Christ, not by our good deeds.

-Check our attitudes…continually.

-Welcome the younger AND the older brother!!

Can’t wait for our next series. It’s going to stretch us all…..

Where I’m going with this blog:  I’m going to fill in the gaps for the first month of life here at SCC.  Then, we’ll be somewhat back to normal???

It was the day after Valentine ’s Day. My mom called to wish me a “happy VD.”

Seriously Mom….I’ve never known someone to have a happy version of a VD….but I think I know what you’re saying. >

On another serious note, this Valentine’s Day saw the usual mobile flower carts for the idiot guys who forgot (and for those like me who forgot, saw the cart and said….oh well).

They weren’t doing brisk business due to the economy I’m guessing (because there’s no way guys are that dialed in to remember stuff like this).

The economy. I know we have to talk about it, but seriously….aren’t we tired of bailout talk? Don’t your eyes glaze over like Homer Simpson looking at some sort of junk food when the talk is just too much for one brain to contain?

I do know one truth though: We will ALWAYS talk about what/who we love.

We can’t help it. We will. God does. He talks about what He loves all the time.

So who does God love the most? Himself. Stay with me.

Jesus continues talking to outcasts and outmatched in Luke 15. He states in verse 8: “What woman…” And that’s important.

See women were not treated exactly as first class citizens during that day. A much-discussed legend that may or may not be true: “I’m thankful that I’m neither a Gentile nor a woman.”

Jesus is for all people and all races. Not just a few.

This woman had a necklace with 10 sliver coins. The word for coin was called “drachma.” A drachma was a Greek coin worth a day’s wages. So she had two weeks (10 days) worth of wages around her neck. If you make 50,000 a year, that’s 200.00 she lost. It was a dowry:

-Dowry: Most likely related to marriage. Either a gift the woman brings to her husband in marriage or a gift from the man to his bride. Either way there’s more than money being lost.

More important than the money was the meaning: this was my wedding gift. This is my valentine.

Much like a wedding ring today, it was a reminder of the relationship she had. It pointed to something greater.

The search was very thorough….in attitude and action:

Attitude: I’m going to find this coin because I value it for more than a surface reason. It symbolizes a relationship that means a great deal to me. My mindset is on this: I’ll find this coin.

What does God value more than anything else? His glory.

How is God’s glory clearly seen? His accepting sinners into His grace.

Action: I’m going to work hard and go the extra mile to find this coin….because it has value. She would sweep the floor of hard earth until she found the coin by the sound it would make when it struck the broom

We talk about what we love. Do we talk to and about Jesus?

Are humans the ultimate aim of God’s affection? No. They are coins. The ultimate aim is the display of His glory and greatness through His kindness to humans.

Think about this: Owner went for a coin. The coin was important, that’s true….., but not completely necessary. Still, the owner took the initiative.

Without God’s initiative in our lives we too would be lost. To think that He loves us….That maximizes His importance.

Some observations if you take the first two stories together:

-Something is lost.

-the owner takes the driver’s seat in finding. Neither sheep nor coin is calling out saying “Find me.”

-The owner finds the lost object.

-He/she invites and kind of demands his/her neighbors to rejoice with them.

Are we excited and loving what God is excited and loving?

Who does God use to find lost people now? His children. We are His hands and feet.

People in the U.S. hear the gospel an average of 7 times before understanding/hearing/responding. So let’s look and live:

Look: Pray hard/ Invite Often/ Share Constantly.

Live: Persevere (remember 7 times) and Party!!!

I’m looking and living….by God’s grace.

So far, I’ve talked with a few people at Wal-Mart, Kroger, and Panera Bread. I’m praying for what they want prayer for. Pray for the following:

-Nicole at Wal-Mart has asthma and exema.

-Barbara and Lou at Wal-Mart would continue to like good health and to be loving.

-Renee at Panera bread would like her daughter to get a better job to provide for her 2 year old.

-Jason at our apt. complex is a cool guy.

-Jim at Kroger has no idea who I am….but I bought him a dr. pepper.

I’m going to catch up on past Sunday Summaries before getting into other things. But so you know I’m working on a few things:

-I’m actually working on three books (or ideas for books) at the same time.

-I do have an opinion on bail-outs and stimulus packages.

-I miss my wife.

-I was roasted recently.

-Okay, so here goes with the Sunday Summary.

-We began a three week look at Luke 15 called “Lost” (Yes, like the t.v. show I’ve never seen). Here are some pertinent points:

-God loves lost people. And we must love them too; with words and action.

-In Luke 15, Jesus is talking with three groups of people, two of which are lumped into one.

-He’s talking to tax collectors and sinners. The first group were hated by their Jewish countrymen. Why? They were traitors, because they helped the Romans oppress them through garnishing wages to build the Roman army. A built Roman army would crucify thousands just to send a message: “You wanna mess with us?” It’s almost like “hi, I’m Benedict Arnold, your friendly neighborhood tax collector.”

-Sinners were people with immoral or questionable occupations. Prostitution probably was the main thought.

-Translated to our day: Strippers. Drug dealers. Congressmen….ouch…

-The term “sinner” was not Luke’s choice, but a label that the Pharisees put on people.

Jesus is for outcasts. Misfits. Losers. He drew them.

-The third group there: The religious people.

Pharisees. This act throttled their entire belief system. Purity was big deal… If you were a sinner, whether they knew you or not, they wouldn’t even say hi. Just to be near to those “sinners”…their dirt would rub off on them.

-Our church must be a safe place. We’ve got to be like Jesus and be ready for the outcasts.

-From my limited knowledge of 1^st century Jewish culture, the meal was a big deal; not like in our day where we wolf it down. They were relaxing, sharing life together and had a long, non-boring time.

-it was a “table gathering” or a”table fellowship.” To the Pharisees, to share a meal with these guys meant mutual acceptance.

-The only thing worse was to join in their act themselves. And here is this rabbi…not only NOT condemning them publicly….he’s eating with them.

Have we who are Christians forgotten what we’ve been saved from and rescued from?

-Jesus relates the kingdom to shepherds and sheep. We as a people and as a place need to be open country for people to roam as they intake God’s grace. We need to be an okay place to Not be okay. But it’s not okay to stay that way.

-All we like sheep: We are like sheep. Sheep are least intelligent barn animal with apologies to a man name Jim Barlow. Sheep are stupid. They are unaware of danger until it’s too late.

-Gone astray: It’s natural to wander away from God. We say that a married man who looks has “wandering eyes.” Not where they should be.

-Each of us: all of us have something in common: We have turned away from God towards ourselves. That still affects Christians today.

His own way: We think that we know our lives better than God does. WE DON’T.

Jesus went to sinners. He ate with them. He talked to them. Jesus even called himself the Good Shepherd. In essence, Jesus states: “I’m coming to your table because you can’t come to mine. But once I give you life, you are AT my table.”

While we didn’t have the overflow crowd…..we had a quite healthy crowd. God has great grace for me. And I need every ounce of it.

Jason

Well, it was finally a time for firsts. This was my first Sunday at Southway. And there were many firsts…..

8 a.m. I arrive at Southway for my first day. I remember a Matt Chandler sermon in which he states that the staff voluntarily take the parking spots furthest from the church building to set the tone for serving the people. I take that in mind and do the same thing. Oh boy, it’s about a 40-50 foot longer walk. ….. I take the time to pray through the buildings. (we have four buildings, three mobile home-trailer type things called Annex A B and C, and the main worship center/nursery/offices.) I hear a car door shut, and go out to see who it is. And I promptly go into another first……..

8:21 a.m. I scare Diane Chambers. Her and her husband Randy are usually the first ones on campus to start coffee, prep bulletins, etc. “You scared me! What are you doing here so early?” I replied, “well, I work here now…” We exchange a good laugh and go about our business.

9 a.m. People begin to arrive for Sunday School. I make sure to do another first: greet the older saints. See, Southway is a unique mix of folks. We are multi-cultural. And we are multi-generational. We have old people (above 60, and I’m only using this to clarify, not to poke fun at.) and young people (under 25, again to clarify). But when you hire a younger pastor, there is an inherent fear from older folks that he has no need for them.

And I’m just aware enough (by the Great Grace of God) to know that I MUST HAVE their wisdom and insight. Are we going to agree on everything? No. Do I like the same music? No. Can I learn how to follow Christ more intensely?

Yes. (this answer was brought to you by the letter “duh”)

9:25 a.m. Larry and I meet and pray/talk. The intensity is rising. It’s my first Sunday. I’m not nervous, but I’m in “the zone.” And I know it. I have to now be extra careful not to have complete tunnel vision and be aware of people who want to talk. When I’m in the zone, I am fairly focused on one thing and can hurt people unintentionally by my lack of acknowledgement of them.

10:30 a.m. Sunday school is over, and service is about to begin. I start seeing people from Fellowship. They’re not defecting. They’re here to honor God by supporting me. I have to go to the bathroom so I don’t completely break down in front of everybody.

10:45 a.m. Service starts. The 150 seat worship center needs more chairs. People don’t have a place to sit.

11 a.m. Richard Nelson, an elder (sr. elder) does our greeting and prayer. He is very happy to have a pastor at Southway, and lets the congregation know about it. Shouts and cheers go up. Consequentially, so does my discomfort. I’m not that important. I don’t like the cheers…..at least I shouldn’t. A part of me does though. So I need to kill it. John Owen said, and I agree, that we need to be killing sin, or it will be killing us.

11:17 a.m. Lee McGee is doing communion. Lee is one of the main reasons God used to get me to Southway. He too, mentions how excited he is about having a senior pastor. I’m grateful for the encouragement, but again, I’m kind of uncomfortable. There are 170 people here……Holy cow.

11:30 a.m. Well, it’s go time. So I’m going to set the tone right away: Here are some comments from Your Best Life Later:

-Pre sermon comments:

-I’m not the savior of this church, jesus is. Shout about him, not me. If you are worshiping me, you are commiting a sin called idolatry, and that will kill this church.

-Easter (at the time) is 10 weeks away. Who will you bring?

-Marathon runners beat their bodies and eat rabbit food and train extraordinarily hard for a win in a race. They commonly forego common comforts for temporary glory. (case in point, the week before the first Sunday, the Houston Marathon was run, and no one there knew the winners’ name. The winner was forgotten before a week had gone by. Is all that sacrifice worth it?

-We are called to forego common comforts also, for an uncommon reward, a reward that will last forever.

-Imagine if you knew someone who said they were going to train for a marathon and begin the hard work, diet, and all the rest that goes with it. And about two months in, you see them eating a pizza-a-day, drinking copious amounts of Dr. Pepper, and having the four basic food groups…..of donuts (regular glazed-chocolate-sprinkles-caked). They don’t run with regularity, yet they say they are going to run. Their follow-through doesn’t match their intentions.

-Our goal as the church: World transformation. Yet, just like a marathon runner who eats like crap and never trains, the stats don’t lie…..

1.2 billion people can’t drink clean water.

20 billion dollars can solve global poverty systemically………that amount was the money spent by the U.S. and Europe on…………..ice cream.

The average adult American Christian gives 600.00 a year to the church. That’s 50 bucks a month.

25 dollars every 15 days.

Less than 2 dollars a day.

Which is what the average person around the world lives on.

Yet, the average person spends 900 bucks on coffee drinks.

1,000 bucks on pet grooming.

The average Christian spends 10 minutes a day with God (defined as prayer and or Bible reading)

The average Christian watches 4 hours of tv a day.

We aren’t running to win.

Like Paul in Colossians 1:28-29, we are called to forego common comforts for an uncommon reward.

Paul proclaims (warning and teaching) Jesus, seeking to help people become mature in Christ.

What does it mean to be mature in Christ?

Someone who loves God lavishly and loves others deeply and can help other people do and be the same.

He toils. He struggles.

This ain’t easy.

It’s so hard that we need supernatural strength.

God gives it. And he powerfully works within us.

Imagine if our church was filled with people just like Paul. What would it look like if everyone was as committed as Paul?

What would the church look like if everyone was as committed and faithful as you?

We need to find our place and do our part to bring a big-picture God into a small-picture world.

Run the race. And Run it to win.

What an overwhelming day.

“the waiting is the hardest part.” Tom Petty.

“duh” anyone who’s had to wait for God to do things in His own timing.

I announced to Fellowship my departure on December 14th, 2008. I didn’t start at Southway officially until February 1, 2009. That’s 7 weeks.

49 days.

a lot of time.

How was I going to avoid lame-duck syndrome during that time?

Because in honesty, there were going to be a lot of “lasts” while waiting for the “firsts.”

My last convergence service with the crew was December 17th. It was good….but tough to get through. My head wasn’t completely in the game. But God was gracious.

December 28th was my last baby dedication as an FBC staffer. It was Seth…for Will and Erin. I also preached that day, and baptized two guys, Anthony and Sean. (That was what we in the preaching biz like to call a “packed day.”)

My last wedding as a member of FBC’s staff was the next night, December 29th and was an incredible experience. That deserves a whole blog post of its own, and will get one.

My last sermon as an FBC staffer was January 11th, ironically being the first in the Mark series for FBC.

My last Vision Community was January 18th. And I got to lead it.

My last Wednesday night was January 21st. Which will also get its own blog post.

My last Sunday: January 25th.

So many lasts, but no firsts yet. Except one:

January 24th: our first day in our new apartment, a place that Mandy calls “the nicest place she’s ever lived in.” It is a nice place. I nearly feel guilty for living here. Perhaps that’s misplaced guilt and not God-centered guilt.

January 31st: I went with Bill to visit Lynn Breaux in the hospital after her knee replacement surgery. It would be the last time we’d do something like that together as staff. A train delayed our returning home, and while Bill was apologetic….I was elated. I enjoyed our ride to and from the hospital, somewhat hoping it wouldn’t end. Why?

Because now…my relationship with Bill, and subsequently with the rest of FBC will fundamentally change. I know that they love me. (at least most of them) I know I love them. But now, it’s changed.

Irrevocably.

Completely.

Changed.

And now I’m waiting again.

And then….it was over.

NEXT: Nee Nee and Ed, an emotional Wednesday….and finally…some firsts.

I preached at Fellowship that Sunday.

I also told them I was leaving. I had to tell the praise team before we got going that I was leaving. That was hard.

Not as hard as what would happen over the next three hours.

To this day, nearly two months later, I’m still not sure how I got through that time. Strike that: I’m sure, it was the grace of God.

At Fellowship, usually there is at least one song after the message, and then the preaching pastor/elder-person will have a verse of benediction. Usually the people are standing and ready for the benediction.

I told them to sit down. In both services, I noticed that a few people’s eyes widened. It was to say that they knew something was amiss, awry, not-in-the-normal.

I read from a statement I’d written. I knew I couldn’t get through it if I had tried to free-style it. About halfway through I began to crack. By God’s grace, I was held together.

After I was done, Bill, Mark Tapp, and Joe Kolb came up to pray for me. Bill cracked, which made me crack. He cried and I started to. Second service saw me make it all the way through the statement. Nevertheless emotions ran high.

What about the kids? Well, here are a couple of them and their reaction:

Krista cried. She knew as long as nearly anyone other than elders and staff. She certainly knew before any other student. Nevertheless, she cried. I was a bit concerned for her. Her mom was leaving soon. Now her “dad” is leaving. I want to take back any hurt I’ve caused her.

Joy cried. Joy doesn’t cry……..in public. She did that day. A lot. I told Krista to find her. And I just held Joy for a while. If I can take anything back from that time, it would be the hurt I caused her that day.

Linda cried. Who’s Linda? Joy’s mom. That was a surprise. She was bawling. I didn’t expect that. A few other students and adults cried as well. And not to demean or diminish their emotions, but those three folks stood out the most to me.

A tiring day to be sure.

More to come,

jason

NEXT: The waiting, a wedding, and a new place to live.

lots o’ tears.

From the entry “change of heart,”

“What about the kids?

What about Krista? Joy? Sarah? Sam? The ADHD players?”

Mandy and I knew that there was/could be a good chance that we would be transitioning. So, we began to tell some of our close friends at FBC that we were going to accept the transition should SCC call us. Sadly, we didn’t get to everyone before the big announcement.

Two of our most cherished friends are Will and Erin Misegades. Will’s from France. Erin’s not. Will is the fantastic Frenchman and Erin is the equally fantastic American who are the proud parents of Seth.

Will and Erin have known something had been going on for months. Erin even had a dream wondering if I’d been fired so I could do what I was supposed to do away from the church. Will had/has known something was up for a while.

Both of them are dearly loved by my wife and I. Will has taken over my small group of guys. I’ll get more to him in our next installment. But they both have been so great to us during this whole process…along with a ton o’ others.

November 2 was our first candidating sermon. It’s online at www.southway.org. We received good feedback.

October 29th was when I told Krista about our upcoming change. She was concerned that no one was trusting her, so I took a risk and told her. She was so cool. She didn’t say a word to anyone…even though she was under immense pressure from students and adults. I’m so proud of her. Least of which was keeping my confidence. Most of which has to do with her mom’s situation.

During the month of November, Mike Waldrop and I traded pulpit shots, so I was preaching a lot. And then….November 30th came. I preached a post-Thanksgiving message based on 1 Timothy.

Afterwards, an elderly lady who has great influence in the congregation asked me, “honey are you ever going to wear slacks?” See, I wear jeans nearly all the time. I told her that I probably wouldn’t. “Well, I just lost her vote…” I thought to myself.

December 7 would be a day that would live in infamy for me for two reasons. One is for Pearl Harbor in 1941. The other is for the vote that took place at Southway that day.

After church, the congregation voted on whether i was to be their new pastor. The constitution required around 75 percent. Mandy and I wanted 90 percent.

We received neither of those numbers.

100 percent.

Holy cow.

Now……..how do I tell these precious people known as Fellowship Bible Church that I’m about to leave?

As I get ready to lead the small group with Will, I let him know about what has happened. He knew it already. He guessed 100 percent.

During the group, one of the group members made fun of my new ESV study bible that weighs 37 pounds calling it the “sr. pastor” Bible.

I just stared at Will completely helpless…..And he smiled widely.

More to come,
Jason

Next: December 14. Wow.

It’s time to go to war.  Not a war for property.  For oil.  For freedom (in the human sense)

Time to go to war to help the souls of people fly free of worry, condemnation, and despair….because when a soul fears the Lord, that soul is free from the fear of man, situation, or anything else.  And I or any other soul wouldn’t be so chained to substitute gods that promise the world but deliver nothing.

If only I would fear Him as much as He deserves.

Jason

Saturday, October 4 2008.
Bill Himmel, my boss of near-eight years, is 11 days away from a three month sabbatical that he is most looking forward to.

And I, like the villian in a pro wrestling match, am coming to spoil the day. Why?

Because I have to tell him about my change of heart. I don’t want to hurt this man. But as I am about to puke from nervousness, I’m reminded of conversations just in the past few days.

Post-Kevin: I talk with Tim. I let him know what I’m thinking. He’s smiling. For he already knew. He’s a great support and a better friend. Tim’s on board.

Thursday with Mike: Mike listened to me, and did something very important: He spoke back to me what he heard me saying. And what he heard was that I was staying at Fellowship for potentially the wrong reasons.

So, I talk to Bill. I’m nervous; even hurting inside. Bill can be a closed book at times, and I guess that’s by necessity. Bill never said he disagreed. He told me to follow God. We hugged, and exchanged “I love you’s.” At that moment, something changed. And for me, it was heart-breaking.

I called Richard Nelson, chairman of Southway’s elder board. I asked him if I could put my name back on the list. He was very happy to say yes. That next day, October 5th, the search committee approved and wanted to get with me to discuss what has changed, and what happened to change that.

The meeting with the search committee was with Mandy and I. After a time of explaining (me) and asking (them) they asked Mandy and I to wait in the office while they talked. It was heart-wrenching, for the seconds ticked by like years. Each moment they didn’t open the door was another moment my head was going to explode.

They came out and unanimously wanted to present me as the candidate! I left relieved….but also really apprehensive. What about the kids?

What about Krista? Joy? Sarah? Sam? The ADHD players?

More to come,
Jason

NEXT: November 2008-December 14, 2008. And a fantastic French friend helps me in ways I’d never guess.