Soiled Saints

God has a sense of humor.  Don’t believe me?

I’ll prove it.  Consider animals like the duck-billed platypus.  Or the fact that certain a-list celebrities…………are on any list whatsoever.

In His humor, God has seen fit to in a 1o day span to completely wreck me and humble me.  I dare not say I’m humble.  But I can safely say God is in the process of humbling me.  Through conversations, and conversations about me, I’ve been deeply wounded and to be fair, have asked God to teach me even in that woundedness.

The one thing I thought I had some talent at, that one area of life that no matter what else, i could point to as “hey i’m good at that” has been under a small but sincere bit of fire.  And God has used that as a gateway to point out some subtle but sure idols.  That one issue has become the entry issue to deeper issues.

I’m in a place where some things formerly tools for kingdom work and for me to glorify God have become unfortunately idols for me to self-worship.

One is worship music.  I’m ashamed to say it, but such bands as David Crowder*Band, Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, Charlie Hall, Christy Nockels, Kristian Stanfill, Hillsong United and more….I’ve used them in a way not to be a beam to point me to the greatness, beauty and glory of God.

I’ve sung the songs………now get this……..imagining that………..now seriously……..if you know me……….

I’m the worship leader.

If you know me, you are having a dual reaction.  You are laughing your rear end off, and simultaneously shrieking in horror.

My voice?  I can’t carry a tune in the back of a pickup truck, much less a bucket.  When I sing, people think pterodactyls have come back to life.

seriously.

So for me to be a worship leader?  pre——————-posterous………

And idolatrous.  Taking songs created to glorify God and using them to daydream about people paying attention to me?

That’s just wretched.

So, I’m not listening to a lot of my favorite music to regain a sense of self-control and discipline.

To return the music to its place and honor both the God its’ directed to and the artists who wrote it.

And unfortunately, it’s the same with this blog.

Instead of writing and recording the way/s God is using, working in, and changing me, I’ve been concerned with how many people will see it, how many comments I’m getting, etc.

In other words, I’ve used this tool to worship my self and get affirmation and stroke from the people reading this.

So I’m taking a bit of a break until I can authentically regain a sense of self-control with this so it can be what it was meant to be:  A tool for me to see Christ, and hopefully to help others.

Don’t worry.  I’ll be back soon to complete the series of posts I started way back when.

And Lord willing, the best will be yet to come from this keyboard.

Until then….I’d appreciate your prayers.

Jason